What I learned this week in South Beach

Tonight as I was driving home from South Beach I stopped at this little all night food store on Collins (around 70th), anyhow I always pass this place but I've never been inside and I was out of cigarettes, so I decided to pop in for some smokes.

I asked for some Misty brand, which I've never tried before and didn't end up trying tonight, but since I quit smoking in January, I can't seem to find a cigarette I like...don't get me wrong, I like smoking, I just can't stand Newports anymore. Anyhow, all of this is beside the point.

Somehow the cashier engaged me in a discussion about how I went back to smoking, ultimately asking some probing questions about my life, job, relationship, career path, and what I think about our society and our failure to commit to lasting relationships.

At the age of 38 the cashier, who lived in Pakistan until 2001, had a pre-arranged marriage to a 16 year old girl (she died in 2000, which prompted his move to the US). The cashier said that in the beginning he didn't think this relationship would work, and lighting a Marlboro Light, explained that the key was compromise. He didn't prevent her from continuing college - she learned to cook while he was at work, so that she could have dinner ready when he came home. If she needed something, he was always there for her.

"If you called your boyfriend right now and you told him it was an emergency, would he give you $3,000?" I paused, playing out various scenarios. My boyfriend would probably raise an eyebrow above a suspicious blue eye and grill me about why I needed the money, and depending on my answer, might grudgingly hand over the cash - but with the stipulation that I pay back every cent.

"Yes," I told the cashier, "but, my boyfriend would expect me to pay it back."

The cashier shook his head and told me that my boyfriend should take care of me, should want to help me, and should not expect the money returned, my love and loyalty should be enough repayment. These things transcend dollar value.

The past few months I've been questioning our relationship - we are so different (he's a hottie bartender who suffers from extreme Peter Pan-ism) and I'm more of an artsy intellectual. He dropped out of high school and I'm thinking about getting my masters degree. He hates to read, I want to be a writer. I like opera, he likes hip-hop. He is into body building and health food, I'm an Italian that only cooks Italian. I see plays, he plays video games. I've been wondering why it is that we are still together and how important it is that he change for me.

On the car ride home, lighting up a Newport Light 100, which by the way I hated, I began to wonder if my boyfriend called me (and I actually HAD $3,000) would I lend him the money? Would I make him promise to pay back each cent?

Upon further reflection, I realize, probably I would. And that's answer enough for me.